Ok, I've decided to start blogging as a way to relieve stress. I have always found writing to be a great way of getting my feelings out and about. It helps me in ways that no one or anything can. I have now joined millions in the blogging craze.
The title says it all. Starting over again. I feel as if I am doing that now. I'm 25 years old and feel as if my life is not at all where I want it to be. I am learning to let go of the "how it is suppose to be" status that we all are so quick to judge. I am starting all over again. I have just come out of a 14 month relationship that was ended abuptly. For 12 of those 14 months he was in love with me. We talked everyday. We emailed everyday. Our relationship was not the traditional style relationship as he was stationed in Japan after a few months of us getting together. I don't blame the military for our break up. I don't blame the stress of him being an officer for our break up. I don't even blame myself for it. It was all him. He decided that after 12 months of living a lie that he didn't love me anymore. He is only looking out for himself and the judgement of others and how a relationship should be got the best of him. He was not comfortable that we didn't see each other on a daily basis. For a long distance relationship, it was great. He called me twice a day (on his dime) and we emailed as well. I felt as if I was married to him. We had common ground, similar interest and an understanding of each other. We had talks of eventually getting married when his tour was up and we had settled down for some time. I thought things were great and then I wake up one morning to our relationship being cancelled on facebook. On facebook, yes...someone hadn't smacked me in the face they had just beaten the shit out of me with a baseball bat. He didn't love me anymore and that was just the way it was. His words. I am hurting right now and for the past two weekends I have been trying to drink my heartache away. No amount of jack can do it. However, I have the love and support of my great friends that are helping me in this time of heartache. I am very grateful to them. I am by no means ready to get into another relationship right away. But unlike my divorce, this breakup has actually made me realize that not all men are jerks and I can't lump all of them together. I had major trust issues after my divorce and while Mike has tested those trust issues with me again. I know that there are better men out there and someone will truly love me and not be afraid to love me. I want a family with kids and a husband. In time, I am hopeful that this will all happen. I am starting over again in the single scene and it is quite frightening. 25 and single...where has the time gone?
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